MARCH ACHES

I tried it again. I did not know what else to turn to. After bottling up everything day after day, I had just wanted to feel something different.

I called out for help but the words never left my lips. The thought of being more of a burden to others disgusted me. In my head I knew everyone already had enough on their plates without the thought of taking care of me. So why not keep this secret in and bottle it up along with everything else.

Within minutes I have tried to pull myself down by hacking my body into pieces and my weapon on choice is what I play back again and again in my head. In the end I felt tired and honestly a bit relieved and ashamed all at the same time. All these mixed emotions it is a feeling that I was so accustomed to in the past. The very last time it had been fully done was the summer. For the same reason i had pushed my negative thoughts and flash backs of the past so hard against my skin in hopes something good would come out. In the end all of my stress, responsibility, weariness, and the future is a bit of a past blur in the sting of a wound. Endorphins take over my body and do their best to lull me back to sleep.

I now have a constant reminder that I hold in my arms of what I was thinking of the second that act occurred. But deep inside I still want something good to happen. I ultimately just wanted some help.