Moulin Rouge

no words can express the angst that has fallen into my lap these past couple hours. if it seeps out it is yet again thrown back into my face with a reminder of how much of a bad person i ultimately should see myself to be. today i have reached the point where i had truly broken down on to my knees in anger and frustration. i have snapped my spine in so many places just to see a smile grace your lips. i am really a sight to see when i am angry. i became accustomed to the short fuse that my maiden name is known for. screaming towards memories that i can no longer fix and throwing around any of the scarce hope i have left. "if only..." i cry out to no one.

i havent eaten today.

too upset to be hungry.

too lonely to be angry.