simple medicine

its a change from the norm i guess you can say that. it is pretty amazing how good you feel once you get everything out. i feels like you are not tied down to the ground anymore and you are floating once again. i think i am going to sleep well tonight.

its something so simple as a catch up to make one feel like them self again. back on the ground with my feet firmly planted back into my roots.

the past couple weeks i have been feeling too lonely. i know, i know, i have friends i know. but i want to make GOOD FRIENDS. that is what i lack. i have been worrying about the simplest thing,s ahhh i was falling apart little by little. it was as if i was having a bad trip, everything was in slow motion and it replayed over again every night. honestly i can not stand the night, the mind is left to wander, worry, laugh, and trick the keenest of people. i guess this is why i am so addicted to phone calls before i go to sleep :/ they get me tired, so i do not have to get lost in my head.


i have too many questions for you, but you do not seem to answer anymore.

in the engine room

soooo im in graphics class watching Engine Room about to pee :/ like always. dude i dont lol like drinking in the morning it always make me like this.

anyways i wish i could be as pretty as allison. ahhhh oh well. shes sooo creative.

mmmm today well i feel kinda blahh today to be honest. i wish i could travel back in time. id warn myself of all the arguments i would have with my mother. i would tell little me to always have your chin up, stop wearing all that black eyeliner, you need to see past the screaming music and big hair. there is no need for straighteners and hairspray, you are beauty all on its own. please do not give yourself more of bracelets that would last forever, you are better than that.

shannen you are too young for the older boys. do not try to rush into love. remember love never wants to hurt.

shannen please smile more, everything in time will soon unfold itself

The Relationship of Smoke

I am young and though my teenage years I did not know how to stress this subject enough. It is a feeling of being stranded and not knowing how to juggle life at all. Sooner or later in the back of my mind I knew I would have to handle it but I guess I did not know that it would have to be this soon. I got so use to it being choked up in my own throat that I started drowning in my own reality when I did not even know it.

I found myself asking the same questions over and over again. "How did I get here?" "What happen to me?" "How can I get out?" In my desperate attempts to fight for air, i discovered a safe haven in the arms of another.

(i dont know im not done yet . . . im planning to finish it in graphics class for a cover project; in a few days till it gets turned in.) till that time here are the works of the past. ENJOY

dont close your eyes, it gets better from here. creativity in the silence, beneath the whispers among peers, past our determination during all these years, inside the fog of the head without a mind, though the completion of the end of time. it is the place where you could put your feet in the sand, and clouds take shape as rain in your hand. where the heart isnt where your home is and kisses dont taste any sweeter than what love simply is. the words spoken out here transform into poetry of our souls, where feelings of yesterday never reflect today's real goals, and the only thing im feeling is you here close to me.

i wear clothes to take off and i pee like a fountain. my life ceases to be planned out. for this is the way one should live, no plans, just soul to guide the way. passion inside my everyday is essential. without this key you have no gas for the journey. in all my years of observing and taking notes on other humans i have noticed that too many exist and not enough of those are actually living. this is the path i choose to travel on. it is my choice to keep my mouth shut and not talk that much, but put every thought i had in writing and i am sure that you will be moved. love is my setting and i could feel it in my bones. love is where i grow and on this land of love i thrive. i am alive; i am aware; i am scared; i am barely human.

yea.

it's cold, i know.
i wish i could say everything that i am thinking on here, but i can't. it would make everything much too complicated. didnt you hear? i cried.

XPlosive

it comes time and time again. that feeling, fuck damn disgust. it just runs chills all over the body, then your chest starts hurting, and it feels as if you can no longer breathe. its a moment when you wish you were sleeping to get your mind off of it, so that you can imagine a better place. but alas you are trapped again, as if you are a side show attraction in that certain cage where people poke at you over and over till you can not stand it anymore. this is when you blow up . . . how horrible.

no one ever will warn you how it will feel when you first step in the water. all fun at first, till you get in too deep and start to drown. people try to give you a life line but ehhh, you think youre too proud for it. "i can swim all by myself," you say. "oh im fine," you scream out loud so that coincidentally everyone can hear you. it is a subconcious cry out for help, you need someone there to break down that wall and be stubborn and not listen to a word you are saying and rescue you.

The B.F.G.

it was a sigh of relieve, disbelief, and positivity. a sign of what we were suppose to be from then on. that phrase "no more" and "i love you so much" said over again over again ringing in each one of our ears. there was a lack of jealousy, minus the fear, a thousand questions, and millions of more smiles. all we did was thank god for blessing us at that moment.

she wants to go to the sea side

boy do i wanna just go far far away from here.

take me away, i wanna just be somebody.

i guess

i guess i am the one actually getting to comfortable.

i suppose i am the one who is slipping away.

i guess i should stop acting like a brat and suspecting things.

i suppose im too jealous.

i guess i should slow down.

i guess i should get my ass on my permit testing.

i suppose i . . .

i do not know anymore. reality is not just the same. why do dreams feel so real now a days? then when i wake up, everything just gets too hazzy. maybe because i am sick.

i need friends, friends come find me. making friends takes too much work on my part. now a days i wonder how i would have acted a few years back? maybe i should demote myself back to that time again. i was funner. oh goodness what has happen to me now? funner is not even a word. :/ i am slipping . . . im trippin

girls are stupid. im sitting near a girl who was like "atleast i got what i wanted . . . . i got clothes, a necklace . . . then after i dumped him." wtf? really? is this what it takes to actually make you cool now a days? you are making girls look like tramps. thank you so much.

i dont even know how you got a boyfriend in the first place. ugly ass.

so here i am with open arms

graphics class. just realizing that i can go on this site without it being blocked. what a good day, good day. ahhh i dont think i can upload any of my pictures i made though, but it doesnt stop me at all from trying. try try try again you know.

well today, Friday i asked my boyfriend to Backwards (what they called the sadies dance here.) he saw it coming but oh well haha, its the thought that counts.

baby

Buh Ra YUN (1:27:27 AM): ahhh im inlove beb

Buh Ra YUN (1:27:34 AM): i dont want anyone else

at times i try to say whats on my mind, but that most likely end me up in some sort of trouble right? i think horribly of others because they thought bad of me. i judged a book by its cover for far too long. i have been tossed aside, something used and broken. you have found me, you saw me, and did not care about what happen before, you wanted me for me. you have said that many times i was beautiful, that you would not look at anyone else the way you look at me, and well for the first time in my life, i believe it.
you have no idea how much this made me better. it may sound cheezy, and overused, but this is how i am right: you are the eye opener, that breath of fresh air, that perfect song from the radio that just captured the moment so right. i am sorry if this gets old, spoiling you with all these compliments, alas this is the only thing i can do right now since im not with you.
you were the guy who protected me from the thunderstorms in my own household, and you held me for hours as we slept next to each other, you have a heart that has kept me warm till i fell asleep. bryan youre the person who made me realized a person's real worth, my worth. thank you.

it was a dream, something of a glowing warmth came from him. he took my hand and kissed it, a gentle reassurance with no words. he was gorgeous.