I wish.. I wish so badly that you can feel how I do right at this moment. Maybe then you'll understand.

I keep trying to deny how real it is and I just keep wanting to get away from it all but I can not get away far enough.

Take Me Down

Ease my mind and stroke away my insecurities. Push back my hair behind my ear as if to let me hear you better. Pull me closer to utter out hushed tones of words I have been longing to hear. Nibble away at my worries and caress my imperfections. Strip me of my personal shortcomings to make me finally feel the grace in my own skin. Cloak me with your adorning acclimations. Feel the release of many years with negative thinking. Make me feel beautiful. Make me feel spent.

What to do...

Between all the shouting and fights do they ever look to each other and think "this person is so amazing"? Do they hold hands under the table and believe that they were each other's "one"? I wonder if they kiss each other goodnight and thank God that they are still together after all this time. In between all the fighting I wonder if there is still actual love there.

There's so much fighting in this house now, even more than before. Every night there's so much crying. All the accusations bellow out of the pits of mistrust and echo in the valley of overreaction and worry. There is just so many WHY's and I'm sorries to be passed around. The air is so thick with anger and longing. Mixed emotions are all too common in this house. They both want it to be done but they can't let their pride go.

In the movies they fix their problems, give each other a big kiss, and a sigh of relief right in time for the credits to roll. It will never happen like that in real life. My psychology teacher once said "it is better to have a divorced couple than a continuous fighting one" and I believe this surely to be true. I just wish everything can end up like the movies. I want a happy ending.

Please God help our family.