Dear Daddy,

how do i start this? how do i start to tell you how betrayed i feel? i try my best not to think about it all. i do not want to think of you that way. you are my dad, the kind, caring and funny man who would always make me peanut sandwiches for lunch ever since i was little. you have been there to make sure i was content. you had always been on my side to guide and protect me from the world's negative influences. you were the one who understood me and all the shit i go through! you are my daddy and it was not suppose to happen like this!
but you only tried to make everyone happy right? every action you played out was made with mere love and regret.  i understand that. plus, our home life was not exactly the happiest place on earth with all the fighting and stress going around. never the less i looked up to you for being strong through it all with your smile on your face every time you came home. you gave kisses to all of us and softly whispered i love you in our ears as we slept. out of all of this good and bad, i have never thought that you would make an attempt to try to try to leave your family for them.
what am i to say to you? im just so angry and frustrated because of this. on one hand you just wanted to give her a real father and on other hand, in order to do that you would then stop being ours. i just don't know what to do now? i just don't want to hand you over to her.... im struggling and it is damn complicated.

i love you,

shannen

nothing fully addressed, pretty much walked round. your tip toed steps speak volumes that i will not forget. dashed right on through while blinded. i suppose it is what it is, right?

Taarradhin

It won't matter. What I say or how i really feel doesn't matter. No matter how many times I try to stress it out. No matter how many times I lay awake over it, it is still stagnant. I try to roll over to find my way back to sleep but this bitter taste keeps lingering on in my mouth. I need strength. I need ....

it is not real

i have stopped believing in it now. i have never had such tangible, long lasting evidence of this substance to make me realize that it is real. if it is written about in over millions of books or even talked about billions of times over, why is it not here right now? why is it not here right now when it should be?

I have too much shit on my mind. Let my mind wander. Let my mind rest. Please let me sleep to just help me forget, let go, and all of the above.

I wish I had someone to talk to about all of this.