*Sighh*

for this post i will not use as much literature talk, if you know what i mean.

okay this is for you. this is my last attempt to call out for you. i will direct this to you because i know that sometime or another you will read this and frankly dont wanna fight about this certain thing. i done with all this crying. i want to just vent this out without there being this awkward ass hour or more than we always have whenever i try to convey my feelings out to you.
i know you dont like when we argue and you dont know what to say after because you dont want to fight more. i understand that. its just that i want you to say something to me. i want to you reassure me more than just "baby its only you" or "shannen, its going to be fine."
i want to feel special. lately, i dont know if this is the hormones from that thing but seriously i want to feel like more than a friend to you. i am your girlfriend and yet i feel like some girl you just talk to day in and day out, you kiss me whenever you see me, and hold my hand sometimes but other than that there is no passion. what happen to the days you would stare into my eyes and feel like nothing else mattered. but now everytime you hug me tight . . . it is as if i were forcing you to do so.
you lost touch with me, physically and emotionally. hugs and kissing can not fix what words were really meant for though. i may be asking for too much but i just miss feeling your influence. i miss you looking me into the eye and saying how much you love me. i know i can not get this all the time but bryan . . . you did change. before there use to be a time where you could barely take your eyes off me whenever i was near you. right when i came to the room you would come right to me and hold me close. now a days it feels as though your life is too rushed for me to be in it. i feel as though have to force myself into your day. 2 hours of your day, then you go home, half talk to me, and fall asleep on the phone before we ever get a real conversation going. youre too tired and i am emotionally tired to deal with it. bryan even in the summer i felt this way, not enough time for me . . .
yesterday i told you how i felt, not a word slipped out from you. you just hugged me . . . i wanted to know if you felt the same way. i wanted you to miss me the way i missed you. i wanted something cheesy to spill out from your lips into my ear and fill my heart up with love again. got my hopes up once more. this hug it felt so forced, i couldnt help but cry. i hated it. i was so angry at you, you did not even know it. i just wanted to scream and cry out to you and say "why dont you look at me the way you use to?!" youve become too accustomed to my face and my clingy emotions that it is as if you shrug it off and go on like it was nothing.
when im having a bad day i look to you, my boyfriend to make it better. to know me well enough to know that i want some alone time with you. i do not want to do any more sexual things, i am serious about this. its currupted this relationship. you were the one who said yourself that you wanted a day to look into my eyes and tell me . . . im gonna stop now, i sort of lost hope in this all happening. i expect too much of you, im sorry. i just miss you, i wanted you to miss me too and show it to me unexpectedly. bryan i miss when you made me feel beautiful, without having to grab or stare at my ass.
i am done, take this as you wish. if anything, out of love ill learn to deal with the time we have together