Secret #2

i am going to be blatantly honest right now: i dont know why i can never tell you this. maybe im afraid of what you will say? i can picture you agreeing with me and it breaking my heart so much. but on the other hand you probably will not even say anything in regard to this and it will kill me just as much. in my mind i can expect that you could comfort me and make me feel back in my place again. alas what i do expect has a big possibility it most likely wont happy though. i could only dream, right?

i really do feel like there is something wrong with me, why else would you fall out of love with me? i dont feel good enough for you . . . i dont feel like the girl you want me to be. the one who can stay out late at night with you, is gorgeous and has a nice body, social with others, and is real interesting. i feel like you dont want me anymore cause of all of this . . . i really dont feel good enough.

i try my best to be the best girlfriend i can be. giving you anything that you want: your space, food, gifts, anything you want i will try to give it to you to make you happy, even if it does make you momentarily happy. before all this happened, i use to go as far as begging my parents to letting me out of the house cause i know you always wanted to be out with me at night. now that i can go out more than usual, i feel as though it is too late. but in the end though, i try my best to pray to the Lord as much as i can and try my luck with wishes in hope you will see my efforts and return the same feelings of love that i have towards you back at me once more. sometimes i see it come through and other times i pray and wish harder. i really do love you still

i cant stop crying.

ive been feeling like this for months now.