Bad Blood

maybe it is just me? i guess im forcing myself to look for something that isnt there? should i still feel this way? maybe theyre too comfortable with the title that they dont revert back to what i was comfortable with. its like theyre slipping away . . .
but then again they shouldnt always be doing what i want them to do. i do not want to sophicate if i was in their position. i blame the origin, i blame my condition, i blame the bad air going around now.

oh i tried :P

oh to be disconnected. i blame the female anatomy of this feeling or maybe my wild anxiety or i shouldnt blame anything else but myself. ha i always result in blaming myself, how sad.
now a days i feel mute, as if i have everything to say but nothing comes out. oh gosh complaining again ill stop.

for the past few days ive been woken up the most amazing way. haha it sounds cheezy but im a girl and of course its like edward cullen status you know; melting when you hear it. eff jacob. (BTW new moon movie comes out at 12 tonight, for those lucky bastards who are gonna go camp out to see it) lmao ima go all stephenie mayer on this part for shits and giggles:
i breathed him in lightly. i didnt care for the world around me right at that moment. chills ran from my thighs to the tips of my fingers as he squeezed me tighter, and i melted.
breathed him in again as if this one would be the last time. it was the kind of scent, the kind of heat that you can stay in for days. thats when i wanted to scoot closer but he did that for me, entangling his legs with mine as if they were roots and i was the soil he would get nourishment from. organic. he opened his eyes, there his gaze caught mine and i was caught speechless. i wanted to say something perfect but i didnt want to speak a word to ruin the moment.
oh his eyes, these brown eyes, that somehow seem different from all the other synthetic boyish eyes ive seen. its funny to look into it, their not just brown, theres a darker ring around it and inside it was lighter that made my heart fluttered, then skipped a beat, then proceeded to beat even faster although everything was calm.
how could i ever fall asleep looking at him? a revelation overcame me, i knew what to say. still pertaining to the rules of not speaking a word, i mouthed to him "youre perfect." i closed my eyes and rested myself even closer between his neck and his chin. i knew in his head he would be modest and say "no, not at all." its the type of person hes grown to be. this sly modesty, i wish he could realized how much that meant to me.
i cant say where the time when from there. it could of been an hour? but i swear it wasnt. a few minutes? no too short. thirty minutes atleast? i have no idea. but what i do know of is that i woke up to kisses. he wasnt being courteous of the sound he made while doing this either. "MUAH" to my nose, "MUAH!" to my cheek, "MUAH muah MUAH" to my other cheek, it did not stop until he had covered my face. half asleep, i didnt want him to stop, alas i wanted to sleep to for the laziness can take the better of me at times. hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahah i fail i being stephenie :/

poly started up again. mayn we have to do a 30 minute preformance for lunch one day. oh god practice makes perfect . . . but i have no legs. the inside jokes made between the school hours.


sorry for the boyfriend story again. :/ im a bore, i know.

9:35

you lied to me. how could you?

Vent

it wasnt the brightest of all days. the potential throwing up at 4 AM (damn costco meat never gonna eat you again) to guilt trips that cockblock blindly. too tired, too sick, too hungry. i think im getting fatter by the day. thanks food you dont need to be that good tasting :/


there are things i have to get off my chest today. it has been urking me for quite a while that you dont know what youre doing at all.

ok this is to you anonymous person:
i know were good friends but you need to know when to stop. sometimes its just too much for me to handle. i am all ears for listening to you vent, but like everyone else sometimes you need to learn how to deal with your problems head on and alone. this may sound harsh but youre not a baby anymore, there will be times when it is only going to be you and only you. sort things out. take things step by step. be rational. think of others. use morals. something better. stop WHINING. there are some sort of bullet points to live your life by.
sweetheart there are other ways to deal with what youre going though. yes this does sound mean as well but i dont know how to say this to you. there are other kids in this world going though the exact same thing. yes, yes, it doesnt make the hurting period any shorter or hurt any less than it does now.
this world is a harsh and we all have to bulk up fast to train ourself for it. people will get mad at you, parents will fight, friends become distant. your atittude does not help at all between this. all of what you say and how you say it has a consiquence. it can make people think differently of you and have this perspective of "wow this person is really immature." carry yourself at a higher level than that. have confidence.
on top of all of this learn your place. im trying to be a good friend and a girlfriend at the same time. yes, youre more than a good friend at times thank you for that. but if you remembered from the past, its the littlest things that make the most impact. look at the littlest things you do please. you should learn not to butt into things or take them like you own it. a thing called manners are still required here.


thinking about all of this, i think i need a break from you for a while. just to recollect myself. to make this negativity that i have about you just slide away. i need to be over it. i cant tell you this in person. i couldnt never gather enough courage to do this all by myself.

FIRST POST: Simplicity

i always wanted a blog, not for school purposes but for me. ahhh what a great way to keep a diary. i guess this is another form of communication again along with my youtube (in which i barley use), twitter (i love you), myspace, flickr, my phone (my babii) and yada yada. soooo here i go.

baby you my everything, you all i ever wanted . . . oh Erika David, persuade me :]
today i had this run in with a guy. its not what a person would actually think. laugh laugh laugh right? we laughed about our culture and how Filipino families are practically all the same. yeeee yeee you know its true. i guess it is the simplest things in life that make you completely happy. we laughed around about our lolas cleaning and how their cooking was always the best, how PACQUIAO WON ON SATURDAY, and the ever so known fact that our eardrums are damaged from all the "talking" they do. oh goodness how you should of seen us laughing till we cried, we didnt care if it was the quietest class in the world we just busted out. oh the simplest things.

speaking of the simplest things. you know when you get a handfull of hand sanitiser, rub it all over your hands and move around your hands while they are still wet? it feels completely cold. oh the alcohol like this makes me happy. i was at costco with my boyfriend and my parents and for that good ol' sanitary use and there it was a big plastic bottle reading "HAND SANITISER." my boyfriend and i couldnt help ourselves. we waved our hands in the air to catch that cool cool breeze that went through our fingertips. yes, many people stared at us, i guess they couldnt see that we were a couple just happy to spend time with each other and impressed by the smallest everyday objects. boy, do i love him.

lmao i guess im a bit childish to think all these things as something completely out of whack. maybe today im just giddy and bubbly. whatever it is, please dont stop.