so he said to me

"i want your sweet kiss, i want your warm hugs. i wanna see your beautiful smile, i wanna lay down next to you and rub your tummy as you fall asleep. i wanna lay next to you while kissing you as you smile, and fall asleep with you while hugging you from behind. i wanna see you face to face, just to tell you how much i miss you and you that im all yours and youre all mine. i wanna be the guy youre walking next to at town square. u wanna be the guy that maddogs and grabs your ass when guys stare. i wanna hold you close and give you a big kiss if a girl stares. i wanna be there with you right now."


oh boy thank you for the reassurance, i needed it

-_________-

damn i've been too under the weather lately.

smile shannen, smile.

fuck it.

i think i should be over all the cutsie things at the moment. this is the over the hill, over the rainbow and back onto my feet sort of thing, that every person has to go though. ahhhh all though out my life i was looking for some sort of realization, something to open my eyes and help to make me have a life epiphany. ahhh im still searching.

soooo it is nothing, absolutely nothing, but yet nothing bothers me.

i want this to be short sweet and to the point: i want to leave. i want to get out of here. i wanna travel, i need new people, people who are going to keep secrets. those people who can distinguish secrets from those of regular sayings. i want to live somewhere where mello replaces the "ok."

i am tired of everything

i just wanted to say hi

i lay there still, still looking into his eyes and him looking into mine. most of our contact does not seem to come from mere touch anymore, but though something more intimate.
he has said that we needed this for release, satisfaction, and wanting. for me it was much more. here it has been too long since these kind of feelings would arise from within my beating chest. i longed for them to take a trip back to me. now that they are here again, they almost have a feeling as if they were brand new.
there on it was just a dream, a fairy tale. he slowly closed his eyes, took my hand and upon my wrist he gently laid a kiss as if to know that was where i wanted it to be. it was the sort of read your diary, read your mind, kind of moment in time. he was an eraser and in 5 simple steps and all my worries around my jagged edged were smoothed out. comforted with a single gesture and a few simple words. taking in all my flaws, adding a spot treatment, and having them vanish within a few seconds. right then and there, it was just me. only me and well in honesty i know i am young, but this is how i want it to be. i want to have this feeling within me for the rest of my life. here i have found a place where i am beautiful, intellectual, and taken as who i am, not who i am suppose to be. heaven on earth within my home, home is where the heart is.

woop woop

its pretty complicated. my mind is full and jumbled up from the past few days.

you are getting better at venting and telling your side of the story. i need that. im glad that we got this out of the way. i relle am.
bryan you know that im sorry i cant go out as much as other girls. you know i am.
i love you baby, i just want you to be happy. thats all i need. im happy im with you because you are my salvation. you are on my mind 24/7.
i feel as though it should get all smart atm:
it was like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. it was a moment of no utter guilt, nothing can stop me. for that moment, you held me as though life itself depended on it. although i couldnt breathe, it was fine. i didnt care anymore, nothing else matters now a days. "just you, only you" i said to myself.

ima probably
look back at my post
one day and think
"damn shannen, you're a fuckin n00b."

it takes its tole

Hush my baby, Don't you cry.
I'll dry your eyes. Fulfill your heart's desire.
Let's go in. Try again.
Careful this time. Broken promises linger in our mind.

mmmm john legend, "I Love, You Love"

im trying so hard to get over what youve said,
but im impatient.
nonetheless i miss you more than ever right now.
is that wierd?

for those with all the time in the world

i do not want you to see this.
i want to be that one that makes you smile.
i am trying to become less selfish, lately its not working as well as i thought.
i wanna be that one that makes you happy when you are sad.
i do not want to end up like her when i am older.
i wanna be the person who does not overreact.
i prayed for my parents to look at things through my eyes every chance i get.
i wish i was that person who you tell everyone about.
i prayed that my sister would not end up like me at all.
i wanna be productive.
i want to me smarter.
i am sorry for being difficult sometimes.
i want to go out more.
i do not have a fake smile, i just try to push all of my worries out of my head till they disappear.
i wish i could go back to the past to make you the first.
i notice that it sounds really emo when i say "i do not like what i see in the mirror" but sometimes it is true.
i want to make you never regret me.
i want you to know that sometimes in my life, i just want to lay in the grass and just do absolutely nothing.
i wish i could forget.
i hope that one day i wont be as shallow as i am now.
i wish you could tell me everything.
i miss that detail of sincerity when someone speaks to me.
i wish i had much better advice to give you.
i want my hair to grow out more.
i need someone to listen.
i need time to myself, but i am scared of siking myself out during that time.
i wish i was social.
i wish i could please everyone.
i wish i did not regret.
i want you to notice that it takes about 3 times of asking me "whats wrong?" before i actually tell you.
i honestly feel like i do not deserve anything that i have right now.
i feel like i am not doing my part.
i know i complain too much, but i can not tell anyone this because i do not want to be a bother.
i do not want to fight with anyone anymore.
i wish i could stop being so negative.
i hope one day i will be everything she wants me to be.
i hope on that day i will be everything that i, SHANNEN wants me to be.
i want to be up to date on everything.
i want you to not get quiet.
i wish i could go on a date with you, it is honestly killing me.
i want to fix all your worries.
i want to be that fun person everyone always wants to talk to.
i do not want to let you down anymore.
i wish i could open up more.
i miss having the feeling of being a good person.
i want to get over my jealousy.
i hope one day that i turn out to be stronger than this.
i always wanted to be that person you would tell all your stories to - good or bad.
i am scared to have a debut to find out that i do not have as many friends as i thought i did.
i cry way more than you think i do, i am a cry baby.
i always wished i could be that person you go to make you happy when you are sad.
i am afraid to talk because i am scared i might say something wrong.
i found out the real reason why they say "the past is what shapes us to what we are now."
i want to tell that certain person "everything you have said to me, tried to give me advice about, said it was for my own good, etc., etc., i already knew. so you just wasted your time and you arent that charming and smart as you think. thanks for everything ."

cliche

shes beautiful, but she does not feel like it anymore :|

she told me i was running out of time, but alas shes been telling me this ever since i was young. ive been forced to read and write since then. no breaks, no "i am so proud of you," nothing.
she told me that she does not want to regret but i have been doing nothing but that since as far back as i can remember.
how can she do this to me? how can i tell her without her making ME feel bad for myself?

DUMBFOUNDEAD
i found someone that i think you will like :]