and so it begins. i can feel all these hormones raging inside of me and i am not happy. i mean who could be happy when they are trying to fight a war within themself? for the past couple hours i have been trying to resist falling into some kind of depression again. the only way i can clearly describe it is if i compare this whole thing to like watching a slow motion car crash. you know whats going to happen, you know it is going to be bad, and you just cannot stop it. i have to sit back and try to let it run its course. so until then, my mind is spent from trying to find ways to occupy myself so i wont have to stop to worry, over analyze, and freak out about every detail. i am trying not to be helpless. i am actually trying to be strong because i hate being a burden but at this point in time i feel as though i do not have enough strength to pull myself out of this hole. nonetheless there are real, actual things i try to say, like always, that i can not let out. it hurts a lot. it really hurts. theres nothing i can do though. it is what it is.
i dont like this feeling anymore
please save me
i just want to be happy again
