you probably heard me say these things many times before but im just trying to get through to you: you can accomplish more than you think. all the materials that you need to do so are already close at hand. you just have to gather all your strength to find a way to break through the negativity and put downs to actually take that first plunge. it will be scary at first but no one has ever achieved anything great inside their comfort zone. and even if you dont succeed the first time, chances are that the next time around it will improve from there. the stress of the unknown will melt away and you will find yourself in a better place than you were before hand.
when i had taken that first plunge, i did not know what to even do. walking around in circles, i was incredibly lost and had so many doubts about everything. thinking about it all, the whole process of talking to new and different people on things i didnt even know about was too overwhelming for me. i seriously hate talking to people that i didnt even know. in my head i just wanted to stay home, forget it all, and bury myself in something else to keep my mind off the subject. i guilt tripped myself into thinking that nothing good would come to this and that i would feel worse off than before because i truly believed that i wasnt good enough or that i would never stand out in a big group. my that is when i found my first glimmer of hope, a definite call back. good things can happen randomly when you least expect it all.
i believe in you fully. you can do great things, please believe and trust yourself on that.
___________________
with school it is completely different. it may look like i have it all together but i really fucking dont. to tell you the truth, i honestly suck at school. sometimes i dont even go because im too stressed out with all the homework, tests, and quizzes. i feel like all this information is being shoved down my throat so fast that i dont even have time to i cant even comprehend it all. even now, i am suppose to be studying for my math test that i will have later today but im here writing out this.i hate school. i feel so behind in my classes. i feel like im going to be at this damn school forever. i dont think i even have good enough grades to transfer. my parents keep asking me when will i have enough credits to transfer out and i keep changing the subject or putting this question off for later. this is one of my biggest stressors.... i always just feel like staying at home and crying whenever i think about it.
there you go, this is one of my biggest secrets. youre not the only one stressing about school baby. youre not the only one scared who doesnt have a big plan for the future. i am so hesitant in taking the next step in school, i always wish everything was planned out for me just to make it easier. i feel horrible giving you advice about school that i never fucking follow. it makes me feel like such a loser... gosh i feel like i need help. like a lot of help.
i dont know what im really trying to get at here but well i just want you to know that youre seriously not alone in this. im just as scared as you and possibly even more. i would like to think that there are more lost people somewhere in the world than us and it kind of makes me feel better (in a mean way). i pray that everything will find a way to work out in time.
