its been eating at me for days

this has been a draft for about a week now:

there was a flicker of false hope. it was a kind of slight glance into something that i had always wanted. it was thundering and dangerously beautiful. in the beginning it was quite comforting to fall asleep to your voice on the phone. the vibrations would roll off your tongue and slip through your lips with a flirtatious slur to make me feel as though i am the only one you would always do this to. your voice held itself high, so strong and sincere. i couldn't help but to be drawn in by it.

in my dreams it was otherwise. there was a movie of vague images where i could always make out the girls who would leisurely passing me by to get to you and you let them in. alluring each one of them with that smirk that always made me weak and whispers of taking them away to some destination. it was like i wasn't even there in front of you and i couldn't even stop it. everything was all so real, i should of known that it was.

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dear bryan,

so what to do now? how can you regain back my trust without getting annoyed of me and me spiteful of you? dont get me wrong here but i still do want to be with you. i want you in my life not only as the rock i can lean on when times get tough but as a truly faithful boyfriend. i guess in order for me to trust you again, you need to give me some sort of hope that nothing like that will ever come around again. baby you still have time to redeem yourself and to not become one of "them."

you ask me why i am still with you, well its because i can see that we still have the potential to love each other like we have before. it all came out during our late friday night rendezvous. you told me that you felt like you had the world in your arms when you were holding me. i loved it so much that i started crying. i had honestly forgotten how sweet your can be because i havent seen that side of you in such a long time. sometimes i felt as if it wasnt going to come back anymore but in that moment i just didnt want to leave your embrace. i missed you holding me like that babe.

even though friday night was amazing, i still have all these crazy mixed emotions in my head. from being tired of nightmares coming true, you hiding things from me, to you holding me in the moonlight and having those intimate talks with one another before i get out of your car to leave. it is just hurts so much to remember. bryan you had told me on friday night "i guess we just forgot how to be in love with each other." but the great thing about forgetting is that you can always remember . . . i love you so much, i just want to be happy . . . with you.

baby let me say it again, i love you and if you take offense to this, please dont be quick to anger. im just simply letting out how i feel in a place where i know for a fact only YOU read my posts lol. hopefully you can understand that though. youve been really good at understanding my feelings lately. thank you so much for that.

i love you,

your girlfriend

p.s. tell me if you read this LOL