refresh, refresh, refresh

should i want this? should i let this go? is this even good for me? fuck all this constant thinking in circles. my fists clench up more, angry and still trying to hold onto something that is slowly but surely slipping away from me. i can no longer dream about anything good, let alone find my way to sleep. everything turns into some short get away. my mind rest for a couple hours at a time and forces itself to revert back to start. i am missing something. the ultimate test. this has never happened in this  way before.

  

i need to get my shit together

i am fucking lost