Friday, July 5, 2013

sweaty palms

i do not know how to start this. my words seem to jumble up inside and i cant get the correct order of sentences to flow out right. i always run to here when i feel like i can no longer get to you. here is where you can read out all my longings, hopes, my whimpers, and angered memos. and for this right now i just have this feeling that you are in this extremely bad place and you dont want me to know anymore about it or at least burden me with the subject. but i still want to help you. i am your girlfriend right? is it not what a girlfriend is suppose to do? i want to be your shoulder to lean on when you feel low, i want to listen to your problems, and i will try my best to help you erase them. fuck i do not know how to say all this without getting extremely frustrated and angry. i just want you to let me into your life just a little bit! i want to share all the good times and each and every one of the bad times as well. i feel like i can never get to you. it is like your feelings are so far away from mine. i constantly keep reaching outward and i just end up grabbing statements like "i am fine" or "it's okay." these are the statements are the ones that stray me away from the subject and make me believe you do not want me to let me in at all. i dont know what i am saying anymore... i am literally at the verge of tears right now. all i know is that i want to help you. i really do. please let me help you. youre all i have and i don't even know what to do. 

__________________________

why do i find myself still constantly crying over you. i have done this post about a million times over and i still cant get all my uneasiness out. i need you. i have been feeling emptier than usual. i dont know what it is but it seems to only go away when i am with you. i dont care what we do, i just need you to help me let things out. it is as if am going quite crazy.


i am scared of you leaving me.
i really want to talk to you.
i have so much to say.
bryan please help me.